The Jellicle Tennis Team
by Chibi Teazer
Summary: Well.... i decided to go a bit over the top this time.... but i was bored so as you very well know anything and everything occurs when Chibi Teazer is bored... so I give you: The Jellicle Tennis Team!


Okay ppls… here we go! Maddness alert… on a scale of one to ten this is rated 1043795342572380972389420-7328915125 due to such madness. As promised! My list of thankyou's to ppls who have reviewed all my past stories:  
  
JestaAriadne (As said before… She has reviewed all my stories… very happy bout that… (), Skytris Maxwell, Nemblewhiska (Wrote a really good story… find em on JestaAriadne's site cause I dunno if s/he has a site), Dreamteazer (I just love anyone with Teazer, Rumple, Jerrie, Mungo etc in their name (), Stargazer, Meowzy, Brent Girl, The Unsinkable Molly Brown…. (Hmm Courtney? I think you went a bit to far on that one sweetie….), Rumpleteazsa and last but not least Pouncikit. There were other people but most of them were school friends that I had blackmailed etc to read my stories. Now… onto the story!  
  
"THE JELLICLE TENNIS TEAM!  
  
(CT strolls out in front of a camera operated by…..)  
  
Asparagus - *AHEM*  
  
(Right.. operated by Asparagus.)  
  
CT – Because of my last few on stage failures (see Tantolina and Little Red Riding Bombi before reading this…. It's easier to understand.) I have decided to go to the small screen. That's right ladies and gentlemen! I now have a time slot of one hour on: "THE JELLICLE STATION~"! And as you can see I am prepared for everything that the CATS can throw at me! (Points to three kilos of instant coffee, gags, straight jackets and a few old props from past plays.) Now…. All we gotta do is erm… tell them that they are about to learn Tennis.. heh heh heh….. uh erm..  
  
Exotica – We're gonna learn what?  
  
CT – How did you get there?  
  
Exotica – I learned aparation from Tanti…..  
  
CT – Well okay… (starts pacing back and forth) live TV… live TV… Exotica?  
  
Exotica – Yah hah?  
  
CT – Yah hah?! Never mind… seeing as we're on live tv (faces the camera and puts on a dazzling smile.) I would ask you very kindly to break the news to the other CATS?  
  
Exotica – Oh.. NO WAY… You are not getting me to do your dirty work! I saw what happened to you when the other CATS were angry at you! (past show… see er.. I think it's Tantolina for that one.)  
  
CT – Fine! I'll do it myself! (Stalks over to where the CATS are sitting on tiered seating)  
  
Munku – Go away.  
  
Tugger – Go away.  
  
Tumble – Go away  
  
The rest of em – Go Away  
  
CT – But? I'm on live TV at the moment~  
  
Bombi – LIVE? Oooh! (Runs over to the camera and starts preening herself and talking and generally hogging the screen)  
  
Tugger – Bombi?  
  
CT – I think it's time for a commercial break!!  
  
(The name "Jellicle Tennis Training" runs across the screen and then we see Jemima sitting in a newsroom.)  
  
Jemi – (Serious like Richard Morecroft voice…. Eugh… {He's the Sydney Newsreader and he's also in those stupid 'educational' videos that send you to sleep in D&T and science etc….}) News today is that Rum Tum Tugger's owners are trying to neuter him. (Screams are heard off camera.) But that shouldn't matter to him seeing as the scandal that's happening at the moment including him and Mist (Tugger comes on camera and clamps his hand over her mouth.)  
  
Tugger – (Whispering into her ear) Shut up Jemima. If you want to stay alive for your second birthday.  
  
Jemi – (Now squeaking slightly) In other news Munkustrap has chosen Demeter as his mate and Rumpelteazer and Mungojerrie have nicked the maltese cockroach from Victoria Grove's most well known home Buckingturkey Palace. (Er.. please no flames about that… my brain is a little warped.. heh heh heh…) That's the news to this second. Have a good rest of the day. Thankyou.  
  
(The name "Jellicle Tennis Training" runs across the screen)  
  
CT – Welcome back! During that break we managed to get most of the CATS (to herself), that we could blackmail, (To the screen) to join into our TV program. The others are sitting over there. (points to the tiered seating and we see Misto in a straight jacket. Pretty stupid seeing as he's magical right? Oh damn… there goes one of my storylines…. Wooopssie….()  
  
Munku – Why are we doing this?  
  
CT – Because if you try to claw me up on live TV they will take you to the pound! Mwa ha ha ha~! I'm the only one who can stop this happening.  
  
Cass – Will I break a claw doing this?  
  
Etc – Oh puh-leese!  
  
Electra – Why are you such a prissy mommy's little girl anyway?  
  
Cass – WHY YOU! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT LAST COMMENT! (Starts running at them.)  
  
CT – (Holding her by the collar) NO ONE IS 'GETTING ANYONE' FOR ANYTHING! Now! Onto the lesson. (Hands out tennis rackets to all of the CATS) Has anyone ever played tennis before?  
  
Tugger – What does she think we are? Cats don't play tennis you nitwit!  
  
CT – If you call me names you'll be benched with Misto.  
  
Tugger – Ahh….. that is rather stupid Miss I-think-I-know-everything-about- everything!  
  
CT – Excuse me? Are you trying to be benched?  
  
Tugger – (Facing screen) Duh!  
  
CT – (Looks over at Misto) Oh. Well, er… Onto the lesson!  
  
Pounce – Oh joy. Mumma? Do we have to do this?  
  
Jenny – Yes dear, it's very good for your health apparently.  
  
CT – Now you hold the racket like this (Shows them and corrects a rather odd attempt by Tugger) and hit the ball like this. (Hits a ball from one of those expensive ball machines.)  
  
(All cats look at her blankly)  
  
CT – COMMERCIAL BREAK ASPARAGUS!  
  
(The name "Jellicle Tennis Training" runs across the screen)  
  
(Jenny comes on screen in a nurses outfit.)  
  
Jenny – Now! We have some very important safety tips for young kittens whilst playing tennis…..  
  
Jemi – (Runs onstage in her newsreader 'get up') BREAKING NEWS EVERYONE!!!  
  
Jenny – But… but…. But….  
  
Jemi – Misto's dissapeared! Again!  
  
Tugger – Aww…. Damn it….  
  
Jenny – What about my safety rules! They're so important!!  
  
Tugger – I'm going to er find.. er I'm going. Ok?  
  
CT – I can't stop you can I? (Sigh)  
  
Tugger – Er.. nope. See ya! (Runs off in the general direction of North)  
  
Tumble – Where do you reckon he was going?  
  
Pounce – I got five dollars on Misto's pipe.  
  
Tumble – Yeah me to.  
  
Jenny – THAT'S ENOUGH! You two should know better than to GAMBLE! And you are putting bad thoughts into the kittens head!  
  
Together – Forgive us Ma'am….. (something is mumbled.. it sounds rather like: She's like a military officer.)  
  
Jenny – What was that?  
  
Tumble – Uh.. we looooooovvvvvvvveeeeeee youuu mummy!  
  
Pounce – (Catching on pretty fast) Yeah, we love you!  
  
Jenny – Awwwwww how nice!  
  
(Sniggering is heard from the kittens as they watch Pounce and Tumble being kissed by their over affectionate mother.)  
  
CT – Jemi?  
  
Jemi – Yeah?  
  
CT – Anymore news?  
  
Jemi – Oooh! Tugger's been spotted walking to the pipe!  
  
Tumble – See! Told you!  
  
Pounce – Yeah…. Now where do we claim our five dollars?  
  
CT – Back to the regular scheduled program folks!  
  
(The name "Jellicle Tennis Training" runs across the screen)  
  
CT – Ok folks! We're back! Minus two cats but that isn't important. During that break the cats have mastered the basics for tennis. Please watch this short clip that was taken during that short interval. (Smiles dazzlingly)  
  
Alonzo – That's twice already that she's used 'folks' in the past twenty seconds…  
  
Victoria – I think she is….. (She is drowned out by the sound of over enthusiastic singing by CT)  
  
(We see a tennis competition on. Two people with CATS 'heads' pasted over their faces are playing a match. We hear the umpire call out. "Advantage Hingis".)  
  
CT – And that was a slight error on the part of the soundmen. (grinning trying to hide annoyance)  
  
Tumble – Soundmen my ar…  
  
Jenny – (Clamping paw over his mouth) You'd do best to stop that sentence right there!  
  
Tumble – I was going to say Arch erm enemy? (trying to make something up on the spot is not always the best thing ppls please note that.)  
  
Jenny – I highly doubt you were.  
  
Munku – CT? Why are there a pile of skirts over there?  
  
CT – Well… you probably shouldn't have brought that up. See, all great tennis players wear designer skirts and other such items. So….. girls! Line up! You are to choose a skirt and put it on please!  
  
Munku – (Looks around to find that all the toms have scampered out to the tiered seating and are of course….. sniggering. {How did you guess?}. The gates to the courts have been locked and CT is advancing on him with a green fluro skirt) Aww….. c'mon! This isn't fair! EVERY time!!!! Ahhhhhhhh……  
  
CT – Well? I couldn't exactly let you get off thinking that you weren't gonna wear a skirt could I?  
  
Munku – AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO NOT FAIR!  
  
Old D. – Well… it all comes with the job I spose. When I was in your position I had to go around wearing a top hat. Eugh.  
  
Munku – Yes but….but you didn't have to wear a skirt did you! Actually… don't answer that…. I don't want to know.  
  
CT – BACK to the tennis please?  
  
Kittens – (General moans of I don't wanna anymore etc are heard.)  
  
Teazer – 'EY!!! GIMME THA' BACK YOU LOUSY GOO' FER NOTHIN' TOM!!!  
  
Jerrie – Tha' woz a bit 'arsh Teaze….  
  
Teazer – Wen it comes to me pear's Oi'll be as 'arsh as oi won'!  
  
Jerrie – I ne'er exacl'y nicked em… I jus sor'a borra'd 'em. Tha's all! Fer um safekeepin.  
  
Teaze – You are such a liar.  
  
Jerrie – Bi' deal. Any waiz. Oi nicked cher sumfin' an 'ole 'eap betta than tha'! (Holds out the maltese cockroach to her.)  
  
Teaze – Ohhh!!! Shiny!!! (A silly grin drives it's way across her face…) Oi luvs yer Jer… (licks his cheek)  
  
Viccy – Wasn't she the one who was yelling at him a few seconds ago about her pearls?  
  
Tanto &Cori – (Mysteriously) He will give them back to her tonight and then… hmm… that's a bit private…..  
  
Skimble – (aparates suddenly) Hey? How did I get here?  
  
Plato – (aparates too) Why am I here?  
  
CT – Well… I need to put all the characters in here somehow so well…. That was how I did it with you two!  
  
Growltiger – (aparates suddenly) Well that was original….  
  
CT – Look! I can't help it if…..  
  
Demeter – GROWLTIGER'S ON THE LOOSE!!!  
  
Griddlebone – Oh Shutup!  
  
Growl – Heya Griddle! How you going! Last I heard of you, you had quickly disappeared.  
  
Griddle – Dah! Oprah Winfrey was on! I wouldn't miss that for the world!  
  
Macavity – Has anyone got some cream?  
  
Demeter – MACAVITY!  
  
Cass – That sort of lost it's touch a while ago sweetie. Think of something new for heavens sake!  
  
CT – Why can't anything go right for me? Life is so unfair.  
  
Demeter – How come me and Bombi didn't get a part in this one?  
  
Jenny – That was terrible grammar! It's: How come Bombi and I..  
  
Demi – Fine then! How come Bombi and I didn't get a part in that one?  
  
Bombi – Yeah! I'm usually the main character in these play thingy's of yours!  
  
CT – But you did get a part in it!  
  
Demeter – I was yelling and arguing!  
  
CT – SO???? This is soooooo unfair. None of you cats ever help me at all.  
  
Exotica – Hey, at least you got rid of Tugger.  
  
(We hear a bit of scuffling)  
  
Etc. – Tugger!  
  
Alonzo – Tugger?  
  
Asparagus – (From behind the camera we hear *sigh*) Tugger……  
  
Munku – (Still in skirt I might add) Tugger!!!! EEEP!!! (Runs away to hide.)  
  
Tugger – Uh… yeah… I'm back…  
  
CT – Tugger? Why are you all sparkly?  
  
Pounce – (Whispering) told ya he visited the pipe….  
  
Tugger – Huh?  
  
CT – Forget it….. my hour on (looks at camera and grins heaps) THE JELLICLE CHANNEL"~ (looks back to Tugger, grin gone) has just finished. Thank heavens.  
  
(Enter some funny guy with like mechanical get up on.)  
  
Guy – Hey? Are you CT.  
  
CT – Yep, that's me.  
  
Guy – Look, we've had so many people ring in about your show.  
  
CT – It wasn't that bad was it?  
  
Guy – Oh no. On the contrary. They want you to do another twenty shows!  
  
(CT promptly faints)  
  
Viccy – How can you promptly faint?  
  
CT – Oh shut up. Why can't you cats let me be depressed in peace.  
  
Jenny – Cause it's always more fun with two!  
  
CT – Help…………….  
  
THE END…………. FOR NOW…… MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Okay… strange? Stupid? Meh… I don't care…  
  
Can anyone guess where I am in the second last week of my holidays for this year? That's right I'm at tennis camp. And it has just struck me that I haven't written a disclaimer.  
  
Disc. Well… it's a bit late but I don't own anything. Except these stories of course. But apart from that even if you did wanna sue me you wouldn't get anything I'm broke at the moment. (Ha ha)  
  
^.^ CATS NOW AND FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(BTW.. that little guy is mine… so please don't duplicate him… thanx.) 


End file.
